A year ago I met someone who would change my life. I didn't know in what way, but she held my hand through it all. For the last 5 years, I had been in a very unhealthy relationship. I wasn't happy and I didn't know who I was. I was scared and alone. Every day I made excuses and blamed myself for the way someone else treated me. I didn't have family or friends to tell me that what I was experiencing wasn't normal. I didn't even have my own experiences to tell me that. But now I had her...
Monday, February 23, 2015
I don't consider myself a "top model." I know a lot of models with smaller rooms who do 10x better than I do. I don't measure my success in comparison to others. I measure it in comparison to the dreams and goals I want to achieve. I'm not "successful" because of crazy conspiracies any of you have imagined. I didn't step on people to get to the "top." I've never token traded. I don't fly out and sleep with sugar daddies. I don't lie, scam, steal, or lead people on.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Today, I'm sitting in the office of my new home writing this series of blogs. A home I will be sharing with Birdy and Manblaze for the next year. We did it! We made it through everything so far and will finally be together. I don't know what will happen, but I do know what I want.
She left and I cried. She cried. The crying didn't stop for weeks. I asked her what we were. How do I define this thing we have? I told her how unbearable the thought of her with someone else was. She reassured me that she wanted to be with me.
It took me ages to get up the courage to go to her. I stood in the hallway outside of her door with my heart racing. I reached for the doorknob many times but never turned it open. I danced around and stomped my feet in nervousness. I ran back into our bedroom to tell Manblaze I couldn't do it. He urged me again to just try. So, I did. I pranced back into the hallway, grabbed the doorknob, shuffled inside, and closed it behind me. No turning back now.
We filled the time in between the meet date with nervous banter and some pretty tame sexting. I was so worried that things wouldn't happen naturally. Birdy was always reassuring me that everything would be ok. We promised each other that we would take the time to get to know one another before starting the show when she was here. The plan was to mostly enjoy our time on a personal level but also do a show on Chaturbate.