Thursday, June 5, 2014

My Value

Something that makes me really angry is when a member complains about a price being too high. I am just a normal person. I am not a company that can pump these things out quick, easy, and cheap. A video can take many hours to make. I want to break it down simple for everyone to see what it takes to make only one video because I am my only and whole team.

Purchase your own lighting, camera, and editing equipment
1 hour to shower, do makeup, hair, and pick an outfit
30 minutes to setup my camera, lighting, and shooting area
30-45 minutes to film a 10-15 minute video
*I do ALL of my shooting alone. I have to stop the video to change positions and angles. Then I readjust lighting and everything else*
10 minutes of cleanup to put away all the toys/equipment and clean myself up
10 minutes to load the video onto my PC
1 hour or more to edit together all of the angles and cut out my fuck ups
*If I want to save my own time I have someone I can hire to do this for me as I continue to work on more*
1 hour of rendering
*If I want a streaming copy to upload to CB I must re-render a different version and wait another hour*
*Keep in mind the models that have to upload different files sizes to multiple sites*
1 hour of upload
*I pay for my video hosting*

That leaves me at nearly 6 hours of work for 10-15 minute long video. Which is also 6 hours of camming that I have missed out on. I want to at least make $10 on each sale so I have to charge $20 because the camsite takes half our cut. All of this for a video that may or may not be recorded and re-posted for free. Which leads me to another reasonable way of thinking, the higher priced your videos are, the less sharing there is. So yes, they are expensive.

Finally, my least favorite complaint. "Your goal is too high." I realize that not everyone is a tipper and even some people who have tokens cannot/do not want to tip. But sharing $100-$500 between even just 20 tippers is still very cheap. *Reminder that the camsite is still taking half our cut*

So maybe you look and you see a girl has just made $500 in 3 hours. It seems absurd and even greedy but you have to put yourself in a models place. "What would I do in front of 1000 people for $100?" I do not think camming is hard by any means but the emotional stress it puts on us can be difficult to manage. I value my time and effort. So yes, amateur cam shows are expensive.

Yes, you can go get a hooker, or two, or three for maybe the same price or even less. But I am going to assume if that was what you wanted, you would already be doing it.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Shower Thoughts

*Note: I wrote this with speech to text on a whim so ignore the grammer and puctuation. It's flowing how I speak :P *

I think the thing I find most annoying is actually something I used to say quite often. I'm most annoyed by the phrase, "It's not fair." I can't understand what people want in this world. I do believe that there are certain situations that can be unfair. But in the bigger picture, what is not fair? And I think that it comes down to three things. Money, power, and posessions.

Ok now let's say you live in a world where everyone makes the same amount of money. To keep things fair you are required to produce a certain amount of product and a certain quality at your job. There is no slacking and there is no overachieving. But your job will never pay better or worse than anyone else's. Even if it is harder or longer. Easier or shorter.

Since everyone makes the same amount of money, everything produced from their job will always be the same. It will stay the same price forever. It will be the same quality forever. You can never purchase anything better than anyone else. Your homes will be the same, your groceries, your bills, your cars. Everything. You will never have a choice because it is physically impossible to have one.

Since it is not possible to get larger homes or cars. You cannot have more children. Now you are wondering, "what about power?" Who says we cannot have more children? Who says we cannot have larger homes? And this I think is the most interesting part of it all. You cannot have equal power and equal money in the same economy. I honestly believe that it is impossible. Unless the people are some kind of mindless zombies.  

If you want a voice in your world, things will be unfair. If you want choices in your life, things will be unfair. Whether it is unfair for you or someone else. You cannot be free to choose without cause and effect that is either helpful or hurtful to others. You cannot choose to make more or less without effecting others. But you must use your freedom of choice to play the odds in your favor. 

People will die and suffer and be poor, but we are nothing more than animals. Would I love to live in a world without suffering? Yes, more than anything. Is it possible? I don't believe so. And even if it were, wouldn't we be just as miserable?

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Internet

My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness. I have this obsessive desire to understand why people are the way they are. It used to be easy. You could look at someone you knew and understand them from their past and interactions with other people. Meeting new people wasn't scary. They were only human, like myself.

Being that I am a cam model, I am on the internet constantly. I see the very best and very worst of people all day. It's amazing that people with the same interests have a way to connect millions of miles away. Or is it? The internet brings the craziest of all crazies together.

I would like to think that all the hurtful things shared are coming from lonely kids who know no better. The scary part is that's not the truth at all. Grown men and women are attacking children, the disabled, and anyone who is different from themselves. Things they would have once whispered in fear of being "mean" are thrown around like trophies. No one in their real life will have a clue.

How creepy is that? You have to wonder what in the fuck is wrong with these people. They could be teachers, nurses, politicians, etc. People we thought were OK. They live a normal life to the naked eye. Has it always been in them or does the internet make these people cruel? I'm buying groceries from someone who is telling a teenager to kill themselves. I'm voting for a mayor that stalks women online. Those could be true statements. Will this way of thinking, this way of life, cross over to "the real world?"

It's odd that these people have a need to fit in with others doing the same. I think of it like an internet gang and they're everywhere. Every social media outlet has groups of people coming together to specifically hurt others. You could call it survival of the fittest. The toughest are able to endure the harassment and the weak fall. But when do we start to wonder what is wrong with those attacking? Who is protecting us?

I can't get it out of my head.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Some Advice

A lot of models wonder why they don't do as well as others. They're just as pretty and just as nice. They spend a lot of time watching and learning from other girls. So what is the secret? There is no secret but I can tell you exactly what you don't want to hear. There are a few things you can do to improve the quality of your show, attract new tippers, etc. But that's for another day.

I think that a lot of girls do things that they don't realize is harming their "image." When you beg, complain, start catfights, and put all of your dirty laundry out for everyone to see. The most common response to this is, "It's my twitter/cam and if you don't like then leave." That statement is true for a few things. Nobody should judge your body, looks, or what you value yourself.

Sometimes people confront you about these negative things and you fight back. You tell them to piss off and several models and members stand up for you. I have said before (and will say again) that camming is a business. Yes you are your own person. Yes you should feel free to be human and express yourself. But there is a very blurry line of where changes need to start happening. 

It absolutely hurts when someone calls you out. I want to blame trolling every time, but I can't because what if I really am wrong? What if these things I am doing are pushing people away? Now you are sitting here thinking either "no she's 100% wrong" or "yes but it doesn't apply to me".

To be brutally honest I feel like there is an important list of things you shouldn't do. Once again, these are my opinions only. If you're doing things on this list and they're working for you, great. This is insight for models wondering what is wrong. This is a list of things anyone can use to improve the way they think. 

Stop comparing yourself to others
-You will never be that person no matter how hard you try.
-Set goals for yourself that are not based off what others are making.

Remove yourself from drama
-Don't talk about or allow members to talk about people behind their backs in your room
-Try to remain neutral or at least see both sides on important topics
-If it isn't directly affecting you, you probably shouldn't step into someone else's fight

Don't push your expectations
-You didn't get any offline tips? Yeah me either. You would be surprised at how many of us don't. We shouldn't expect things like this. If you did, holy fuck that guy is awesome and you better treat them well.

Work for what you want
-Stop expecting things to be given and save/work for them yourself

Keep your medical info to a minimum
-I do understand that sometimes people are very ill and it's necessary to share that with others. Please use this info to keep the people you care about updated and not as an excuse or reason for sympathy/money.

Stop the negativity
-I would log on tonight but no one would tip me
-I would start another goal but I know we wouldn't make it
-No one replies to my tweets
-We haven't made goal in a week guys
No one is going to tip if they see you saying the goal is never reached anyways

Begging and Passive Begging
-I think that begging does the opposite of what you want it to. Even if you are so desperate to ask when you never have. People feel guilty that they can't contribute and they avoid your room. 
-always linking things you want
-There is a difference between begging and working for something you want. If you're offering shows/content in trade for giftcards, you go girl.

Respect your viewers and tippers
-understand that these men do not owe you anything. You are the ones who make your show worth something.
-hard working guys, disabled men, rich men, men with addictions etc. You will encounter them all. Try to understand their lifestyle.
-learn the difference between "freeloader" and people who simply cannot tip
-people who cannot tip are just as valuable as those who can. Remember that when you start asking why no one is talking or why you can't find someone to help you with computer problems.

-live a life that you can afford regardless of camming
-use your money to improve your life and not image
-remember the choices you make
When you choose to buy things you want rather than need, it is hard for people to respect or help you when you most need it. Amazon giftcards are great for stocking the pantry and home improvements. 

and finally....

Appreciate what you have
-you have your own hours making money in your own home
-you can travel
-you can be an at home mommy (if you have kids)
-you have time for anything you want to do
and most importantly
-don't forget the good days and things that have happened to you
It is sad to see someone getting tipped thousands, receiving gifts, giftcards, and the next week they have a couple bad days and it's "wow, what a bad week. You guys are letting me down etc." Ouch. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Chaturbate Feedback Option

(click to enlarge)
Dear Chaturbate Support,

I do not feel that it is in the hands of the users to determine whether or not a model is of quality viewing for others. As we both know, you can never truly please everyone. I also believe that instating a feedback option will fuel drama between models and members. It should be the decision of each sole individual to determine if a room/model is best for them. Reviews/feedback of other models done by members (and possibly other models) will only have negative affects. Chaturbate is already a community able to make the best decisions based on their interests. 

Implementing a feedback feature can negatively impact the income of models. It is an unnecessary added emotional stress. Chaturbate is different from other camsites in ways of not pressuring us or forcing us to compete. Please keep Chaturbate user and model friendly.

As a broadcaster, I can say I already receive enough negative commentary. I do not wish for hateful or displeased members to be able to publicly post their problems for all potential tippers to see. Issues between a tipper and myself are meant to be private. It would be extremely one sided to allow negative comments to be posted about a model. There are two sides to every story.

I realize that you may believe that offering a feedback option would help improve tips and viewers in rooms that deserve attention. I think it is possible but I am more concerned about the negatives than the positives. If in the future a review option is added, I hope that it is 100% in favor of the model and presents no option for negative feedback. I also realize that you may feel the need to guide users away from dishonest cams.

*EDIT* Even if the review system were based on "thumbs up or down" I still wouldn't support it. I believe that the system can be abused and is an unnecessary stress. People should visit the models they like simply because they like them. Judgement on models shouldn't be based off of reviews from people whether they are good or bad ones. We are human and we change. Every day we grow different and that gives us a second, third, and 100th chance to get things right. What I did wrong yesterday should not limit me from perfecting it in the future.

If the reviews were hidden from the public it may be a good tool for models to receive feedback on their shows. I think the model should have all control over the settings of them though. We should be able to make them private, public, on, or off. 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Chaturbate TOS Updates

Section 5: Illegal and Prohibited Conduct
d: Overly large sex toys or animal-shaped sex toys may not be used on camera, and objects may not be used as sex toys unless they are typically marketed and sold for that purpose.
I personally believe that the use of animal shaped toys is wrong. You can argue it's just plastic all day long but in the end you are selling the fantasy of beastiality. I also personally believe that it is your human right to do whatever you want with your body as long as you are not harming yourself or others.

However, it is not your right to do as you please within someone else's business. We are "independent contractors" who work on Chaturbate. We use their service to conduct business and they have the right to limit and prohibit what happens there.

You have to understand that the majority of the guidelines in the TOS are based off of possible legal issues. Maybe they have a personal vendetta against large and animal shaped sex toys, but I doubt that. There is also the possibility that enough members/models have complained for them to feel obligated to change the rules. In a business sense, that is smart. They are looking to please the majority of users/models on their site.

I didn't sign up for a fetish site and I don't wish to be a part of one. If Chaturbate were to lean that way I would leave. All models are different and we work on sites based on our interests/morals/niches etc. I respect everyone's kinks even if I disagree.

*edit* I was asked on where I stand about no fisting, overly large toys, etc. Some people feel that it's unfair to control performances that are not illegal, endangering, etc. I stand in the same position I stated before. It is their site and what is performed is their decision. If I owned my own cam site I would run it based off my own interests because it is my site. That is what makes camsites different.

Some allow men and transgenders but some do not. Some do not allow nudity on your profile. Others cater to private shows only. There are sites that will not allow brand names to be shown on cam. My point is that they all have different goals and those goals change. These are simple business strategies that occur worldwide.

One recent change was Vine banning explicit content from their site. I don't like being censored. Nobody does. Sadly, sex workers are a minority that most of society cannot respect/understand yet. Vine had to step in and shut it down. Not everyone will agree with you no matter what you are doing. That is why we build communities on similar interests. Surround yourself with people who have the same beliefs as you, but do not allow yourself to be blind to other ways of life.

The Ban on Public Shows

I haven't seen this confirmed in the TOS yet, but models on twitter are posting screenshots of warnings sent to their emails. They are in the process of banning all public shows. I'm not 100% sure on what this includes but I have seen library cams affected and car shows. Models are wondering if the fake office scenes are to be affected.

I've already stated my position on public shows in a previous blog post. I don't think they are safe for the girls or the people around them. I think the legal issues surrounding these shows may be prompting the response we are seeing from Chaturbate.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Dreams #4

First Dream
My ferret Minnie died. I was so heartbroken that I had to find another ferret to replace her. We got a large male that looked almost just like her. But that one ferret turned into 7 more ferrets. Then my house flooded so I left. When I came back I was looking for the ferrets but I had hairless cats instead. Instead of 7 there were hundreds of hairless cats.

There was still water in the house and cats were floating around on furniture. My favorite one was white with a blue stripe down its back. I reached out to pet it and was shocked at how soft it was. I remember talking to it and telling it that it felt like a horse nose or a shaved lamb.

Second Dream
I had a baby and I couldn't hold it up. I would try to pick it up and it was so heavy. Much too heavy for a normal baby. I couldn't remember to feed it and I didn't know to take care of it. So I started breastfeeding and my boobs deflated. They were flat, floppy empty sacks and I cried.

Then the baby turned into a doll baby. I left it in the car and I was really upset until I remembered it wasn't real. I still couldn't take care of it. I would leave it alone to go hang out with my "friends". My friends were some of the people I never even talked to from high school. It was really weird because it seemed like we were all on vacation together.

Then the doll baby was a dildo and I picked it up and cleaned it off. It had fallen in the mud. Protection